WWE Recap: Saturday Night Main Event (Jan 1986)

We open with a couple of silly scenes. The Hulkster is making a ridiculous protein shake, which Mean Gene drinks. Also, Rowdy Roddy Piper and Jesse "The Body" Ventura are hanging out by the pool watching the Hillbillys swim.

After the introduction, we go to Vince McMahon, live from Florida. He starts to set up the card for us, but Jesse Ventura interrupts to tell us about his six man tag match. Since he's going to be in the ring, he needs a replacement at the announce table. It'll be Bobby "The Brain" Heenan (!!!!).


Cowboy Bob Orton, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, and Rowdy Roddy Piper vs Hillbilly Jim, Uncle Elmer, and Cousin Luke

It'll be The Body and Uncle Elmer to start things off. Jesse immediately goes for the eyes, but Elmer fights back and delivers some big shots. Ventura finally tags out, and we wind up with Piper and Luke, with Piper in control. The heels make frequent tags and frequent double-teams, working Luke over pretty well. Eventually, Luke makes his way over for the tag, but the referee doesn't see and and makes Jim go back outside. Luke continues to be beat down. Finally, he makes the tag and we get Piper and Elmer. It doesn't last long though, as all six men wind up in the ring. After a commercial, things settle down, and it's Jim and Piper in the ring. Piper delivers a head butt, but Jim isn't affected. Things get wild again, and all six men are back in. Luke and Piper are the legal men, but as Luke bounces off the rope, Orton delivers the blow with the cast on his arm. Piper puts a sleeper hold on the unconscious Hillbilly, and the ref drops the arm three time. Winners: Cowboy Bob Orton, Jesse "The Body" Ventura, and Rowdy Roddy Piper

It hit a lot of the right notes, but there were really no actual wrestling moves used, which takes away from things. Also, Elmer never really got time with Piper or Ventura, and he had the biggest reason to want the match to start with. Not a bad start to the night, though.




Waterslide Contest: Jimmy Hart vs Junkyard Dog

Sigh. JYD makes it to the bottom first because of a shoe mishap, or something. I don't know. I don't care. And neither should you.




Terry Funk w/ Jimmy Hart vs Hulk Hogan w/ Junkyard Dog

Hogan is bringing JYD to keep an eye on Hart after being assaulted in a previous match by the Heel duo. Hogan strikes first in this match, knocking Funk out of the ring three times in the first couple of minutes. Funk tries to rally, but to no avail. Hogan lands a few punches, then a back drop. The crowd is fired up. A Ric Flair-like kick to the junk finally gives Funk control of the match. He stomps on the head of Hogan, but then makes a mistake, going to the top rope. Hogan shakes him off, and he lands crotch-first on the rope. Hogan then hits him with a pretty big clothesline. Hart interferes once again, by grabbing Hogan's leg (You had one job JYD) and Hogan chases him outside. Hart hides under the ring. Back in the ring, Funk manages to pull a rope out of his tights and chokes Hogan while the ref looks after Jimmy Hart. He continues to choke him, but uses his arm to hide the rope. Hulk looks out of it, and then Funk hits him with a pile driver. He goes for the pink, but no. Hogan kicks out. Funk starts to rain punches, but the crowd is going nuts, and it's time for Hogan to Hulk out. He shakes his  head back and forth, no-selling each blow, and rising to his feet. He fights back, but just as he's about to suplex Funk, Hart nails him with the branding iron. Funk goes for the pin, but Hogan is able to get his foot on the rope. JYD is on the scene this time, and drills Jimmy Hart with a fist. Funk, meanwhile, is busy yelling at the referee that he should have won. He turns around, right into a clothesline. Hogan covers and gets the three count. Winner: Hulk Hogan

That was actually pretty good. Funk was never going to win the belt, but he got a nice, long bout with lots of twists, and a couple of close calls. Good effort by both wrestlers here. Terry Funk hilariously drags an injured Hart back down the aisle after the match.


George "The Animal" Steele vs Randy "Macho Man" Savage

During his walk to the ring, Savage stops to talk to a fan, while Elizabeth goes up on the apron. There The Animal comes over and "flirts" with Savage's manager. He rubs her arm and puts his head against her. Lou Albano drags Steele back to the other side of the ring as Macho Man enters and berates Elizabeth, apparently for not getting away from Steele. The match gets underway, but Savage seems put off by Steele's, well, I'm not sure how to describe it. Steele is hilarious. When they lock up, Steele bites Savage, then immediately tosses him out of the ring. Steele gets distracted by Elizabeth, though, and Savage gets time to recover. They lock up again, with the same result. This time Savage uses Elizabeth as a human shield. They get back inside, and Steele destroys the turnbuckle (classic Animal), and bodyslams Savage. Again, he gets distracted by Elizabeth, and this time Savage uses the opportunity to deliver a huge elbow from the top rope to get the pin. Winner: Randy "Macho Man" Savage

They really played up the King Kong angle, even using the name, with Steele being smitten by Elizabeth. The match wasn't much, but it continued to establish Savage as a heel for his treatment of his manager.



Next up, we got a music video showing highlights from 1985. Most of it was covered in these reviews, but a few things were from other, non-televised shows. It was, thankfully, short.


Nikolai Volkoff w/ Fred Blassie and Iron Sheik vs Corporal Kirchner

Kirchner interrupts Volkoff's singing of the Russian national anthem and comes to the ring. Things start slowly, with each man making clean breaks at the ropes, and a few grappling moves on the mat. Each man also gets a near-fall. The fair play of Volkoff is mentioned often by the announcers. Volkoff does a hilarious cartwheel, made even more hilarious by the fact that Kirchner just stood there and let him do it. After a few more grapples, they find themselves again in the ropes. This time, Volkoff doesn't break cleanly, instead kneeing Kirchner to the ground, then delivering a big knee drop on the mat for the pin. Winner: Nikolai Volkoff

No outside interference here, surprisingly. The finish was awkward and kind of out of nowhere, though it was predictable that he'd cheat at some point. Volkoff did show a little more athleticism than he usually does, weird cartwheel aside.




Don Muraco and Mr Fuji vs Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat and Junkyard Dog

All four men start out in the ring, but we finally end up with Muraco and JYD. The heels get ahead after JYD misses a headbutt and hits the mat instead. The Dog fights back, and Muraco takes some punches before tagging Fuji back in, who then uses some not-very-karate-like karate kicks to take JYD down. The heels tag in and out, working on JYD. Later on, Muraco misses a corner attack, which allows the Dog to tag Steamboat, who comes in on fire. He nails Muraco with chop after chop, even taking a shot at Fuji in the corner. Steamboat then hits a flying cross body off the ropes, but Fuji breaks up the pin. The Dragon tags JYD, who hits a single headbutt on Fuji for the pin. Winners: Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat and Junkyard Dog

This finish was just bad. I know JYD is known for those headbutts, but really? He tags in, hits one standing headbutt and it's over? Bleh.




Overall Impressions

It wasn't a bad show, per se, but it certainly wasn't good either. A couple of the matches had awkward finishes and little wrestling. We did get a reduction in the number of non-wrestling sketches as compared to, say, the Halloween edition. So that's a good thing. The crowd was really into things in certain spots. It was pretty average in total.

Winners:
Terry Funk: After looking so bad at the Wrestling Classic, things went much better this time. He got a nice long match with Hogan, and looked solid.
Junkyard Dog: He's still in the midst of a nice push, and wins a match, and a waterslide contest.

Losers: 
Cousin Luke: He's clearly the irrelevant Hillbilly.
Managers: Mr Fuji got headbutted an pinned. Jimmy Hart got clocked and dragged to the back.  




Things I Would Have Done Differently

I know this is repetitive, but better finishes. Cmon man. A terrible finish can ruin an otherwise good match.

I'd also structure the shows better. Close with the main even, which was Hogan and Funk in this case.