2018 NFL Power Rankings: Week One

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The 2018 NFL season is underway, and it began in crazy fashion, with rookies playing like veterans, veteran playing like...guys who only play Madden football. We had close games, blowouts, and everything in between, and though the play was often sloppy and hard to watch, we loved every single minute of it because football is back. This week: TJ Watt is unblockable, Tyreek Hill is uncatchable, and Aaron Rodgers is unbreakable. Here we go.

32. Buffalo Bills: The Bills played so poorly, Tyler Boyd traveled back in time to tell his younger self to not even bother.

31. Arizona Cardinals: Larry Fitzgerald's last play as a pro is inevitably going to be him going in motion, and then clothes-lining Sam Bradford as he goes by.

30. Oakland Raiders: *Insert Khalil Mack joke here*

29. New York Giants: Upon further review, Saquon Barkley thinks the Giants should have taken a quarterback with the 2nd pick.

28. Detroit Lions: Matthew Stafford had the worst Monday night since that one time when Derek Carr....oh, wait.

27. Indianapolis Colts: No jokes here. Andrew Luck looked terrific. Too bad the rest of his team forgot there are two halves in a game.

26. San Francisco 49ers: Jimmy G? More like Jimmy Three..as in three interceptions. Amirite?

25. Dallas Cowboys: Who knew that missing two All-Pro offensive linemen would hurt an offense?

24. Tennessee Titans: It's hard to make jokes, when I feel this bad. Give Derrick Henry the damn ball, you idiots!!

23. Seattle Seahawks: Who the &%$* is Will Dissly?

22. Chicago Bears: Khalil Mack, Big Mac, Mack Truck, Mack the Knife, it don't matter. Aaron Rodgers can't be stopped.

21. Cleveland Browns: The Browns needed Roethlisberger to turn the ball over five times to get a tie. That's not ideal.

20. Los Angeles Chargers: Having to play 16 road games is bound to make it hard for the Chargers to make the Super Bowl.

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Ryan Fitzpatrick continually convincing fans and media that he could be the answer is all the proof we need that he did, indeed, go to Harvard.

18. New York Jets: Let's see how they do when they face somebody who doesn't give away all their signals, and the ball over and over.

17. Houston Texans: Well, somebody had to play the Patriots in week one.

16. Atlanta Falcons: Matt Ryan looked like JaMarcus Russell and injuries hit the defense. This was not the best start to the season.

15. New Orleans Saints: They also looked terrible, but at least they scored some points.

14. Miami Dolphins: Frank Gore is an immortal, and you will not convince me otherwise.

13. Cincinnati Bengals: Second-half Bengals are a playoff team, but first-half Bengals are picking in the top five.

12. Washington Redskins: It's hard to judge them based on beating the Cardinals, so somewhere in the middle seems about right.

11. Carolina Panthers: DJ Moore still has more speeding citations than career receptions.

10. Baltimore Ravens: They beat the living crap out of the Bills, but that's like Ohio State beating a FCS team.

9. Denver Broncos: I mean, Von Miller is no TJ Watt, but he's decent.

8. Pittsburgh Steelers: You'd think there would be a bigger penalty for not beating the Browns in week one, wouldn't you?

7. Green Bay Packers: Simply amazing.

6. Jacksonville Jaguars: Man, that defense is so good...but Blake Bortles is still the quarterback, so....

5. Philadelphia Eagles: With Carson Wentz, they're probably at the top of this list. With Nick Foles, not so fast my friend.

4. Kansas City Chiefs: The Patrick Mahomes era is going to be fun.

3. New England Patriots: I'm not sure there is anything left to say about Tom Brady and Bill Belichick.

2. Minnesota Vikings: Laquon Treadwell had two catches for 18 yards. The future is now.

1. Los Angeles Rams: The first half was their preseason, and by the second half, we started to see just how scary this team could be.


MVPs of the Week

Aaron Rodgers: That was one of the most amazing performances I've ever seen from a quarterback, and just another reason he's the greatest.

Tyreek Hill: The Chargers defense is doing well after their glutectomy surgeries after they had their asses handed to them by Hill.

James Conner: In all seriousness, this is one of the feel-good stories in all of football.

TJ Watt: It makes my head hurt to put two Steelers on this list, but Watt had a ridiculous day.


LVPs of the Week

QBs named Matt: Whether it was Stafford or Ryan, they sucked.

Authors of the QB protection rules: Whoever you are, we hate you. Oh &%$#, I think I just accidentally roughed a quarterback.

Raiders Management: They traded Khalil Mack, and kept Derek Carr. I'm not sure what to say about that.


Random Thoughts

1. Marvin Lewis and the Bengals made good halftime adjustments. What is happening?

2. Sam Darnold was impressive. He threw an interception on his first play, and seemed to immediately put it behind him and play well.

3. Thursday games are awful, even when teams have the whole offseason to prepare.

4. Seriously, NFL, fix these rules against tackling quarterbacks. It's idiotic.

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