Wherein I Fix the NFL
A few years ago, college football was broken, with controversy a yearly and inevitable occurrence. I laid out a plan (http://vancelotsrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/12/mutiny-on-bcs-boat.html) that would save the system, and ensure fairness, limit contention over the championship, and bring an overall better atmosphere for fans and players.
Now, the NFL is in trouble, with sagging ratings, diminishing interest, and fan disapproval that stretches from sea to shining sea. Ever at the ready, I'm stepping in, once again, to fix a sport that needs help before it suffers a fate worse than death. It could, gulp, fall behind baseball again, and we can't have that. So, I've sat down with my two-year old son, my dog, and a box of pencils to create a plan to save the NFL. Buckle up.
1. Once again, we start with re-alignment. I don't care about existing rivalries. Make new rivalries. Dallas is closer to the West than the East, and others were just grouped so that they made more sense geographically. The NFC North ended up being the only division that stays the same. The new divisions are:
AFC EAST AFC NORTH AFC SOUTH AFC WEST
Buffalo Pittsburgh Miami Seattle
New England Cincinnati Tampa Bay San Fran
NY Jets Cleveland Jacksonville Oakland
NY Giants Indianapolis Atlanta Denver
NFC EAST NFC NORTH NFC SOUTH NFC WEST
Philadelphia Green Bay Tennessee Arizona
Washington Detroit Houston San Diego
Baltimore Chicago New Orleans Los Angeles
Carolina Minnesota Kansas City Dallas
Don't like your new divisions? Tough break. Many old-school rivalries are retained, but some people will just have to enjoy the new ones.
2. The NFL loves its national games, but Thursday night games are awful. They will be eliminated. The opening Thursday game will still be played, and Thanksgiving day games will be retained. However, Dallas and Detroit will no longer get those games exclusively. There will be two games played on Thanksgiving, and the four teams will rotate every year.
3. Another issue with viewers? Bad matchups on Monday night. Starting now, not every team is deserving of, and won't be receiving, a spot on Monday Night Football. Nobody wants to watch Cleveland vs Miami. The first two Monday Night games will feature playoff teams from the previous season, then they'll be scheduled two weeks out from that point on, based on who would provide an attractive matchup. Fox and CBS will protect one Sunday game, then the next two best matchups will be played on Sunday night and Monday night. If you want to see your favorite team play in primetime, pray they fire their awful personnel people and coaches and figure out how to be good.
4. Roger Goodell, obviously, is fired immediately, and I'll be taking over. Dean Blandino is also fired, to be replaced with a three-person committee who will review the refs' performances each week. Grades will be assigned, and if a referee fails to attain a certain level, they will be suspended for a game. Fall below a grade over a four-game span, and they'll be suspended for the next four games. If they fall below that level for the season, they won't return for the next year. The highest grades will get the playoffs, and the Super Bowl will be refereed by the best of the best. Bad refs will be weeded out.
5. The rules committee, the referee committee, and myself will sit down and re-write the rule book to make it more sensible. Major changes will include:
a) Personal fouls and pass interference calls will be reviewable. They're game-changing calls that deserve to be looked at when necessary.
b) Getting two challenges, then earning a third is silly. Everybody gets three challenges for each game. In the interest in time, however, reviews will be shortened. The referee will go under the hood where he will consult with one of the three members of the review committee to make the call in as short a time as possible. Also, logic will reign. No fan base should be told "It was probably not a fumble, but we stuck with call on the field." Just make the right call.
c) All rules pertaining to personal expression, be it celebration, shoes, or eye black, will be looked at and those pages of the rulebook will be torn out and Roger Goodell will be forced to eat them with mustard (the worst of all condiments). As long as the shoes/eyeblack is a reasonable request, it can, and will, be approved by me. Also, as long as touchdown/big play celebrations aren't excessively long, or excessively vulgar, they're allowed as well.
6. Personal conduct rules will be reviewed and re-worked as well, with emphasis placed on common sense. Marijuana will no longer be a banned substance, but anyone caught driving under the influence of weed, alcohol, or any other drug, will face an immediate suspension. Appeals will be heard immediately, so that I can laugh the player out of my office. Do it again, and it's a season. Don't be stupid. Domestic violence will not be tolerated. If there's reasonable evidence that you did it, regardless of the legal outcome, you'll be sitting for a while.
7. The Pro Bowl will be cancelled and will be replaced with an old-school skills challenge.
8. Its a social media age. Not only is the current media policy outdated, it's dumb. Vines, gifs, stills, we've got them all, and so will fans. Not only will teams be encouraged to distribute vines during the game, but team accounts will be encouraged to follow fans who consistently publish good content and re-post it, with the goal of providing fans with the ultimate experience during games.
9. I reserve the right to make changes based on good suggestions, needs of the league, or because it amuses me.
There you have it. These changes are ones that make the game more fun to watch and likely, more fun to play. Ratings should skyrocket. Trust me. I once fixed college football. Now I'm making the NFL great again.
Now, the NFL is in trouble, with sagging ratings, diminishing interest, and fan disapproval that stretches from sea to shining sea. Ever at the ready, I'm stepping in, once again, to fix a sport that needs help before it suffers a fate worse than death. It could, gulp, fall behind baseball again, and we can't have that. So, I've sat down with my two-year old son, my dog, and a box of pencils to create a plan to save the NFL. Buckle up.
1. Once again, we start with re-alignment. I don't care about existing rivalries. Make new rivalries. Dallas is closer to the West than the East, and others were just grouped so that they made more sense geographically. The NFC North ended up being the only division that stays the same. The new divisions are:
AFC EAST AFC NORTH AFC SOUTH AFC WEST
Buffalo Pittsburgh Miami Seattle
New England Cincinnati Tampa Bay San Fran
NY Jets Cleveland Jacksonville Oakland
NY Giants Indianapolis Atlanta Denver
NFC EAST NFC NORTH NFC SOUTH NFC WEST
Philadelphia Green Bay Tennessee Arizona
Washington Detroit Houston San Diego
Baltimore Chicago New Orleans Los Angeles
Carolina Minnesota Kansas City Dallas
Don't like your new divisions? Tough break. Many old-school rivalries are retained, but some people will just have to enjoy the new ones.
2. The NFL loves its national games, but Thursday night games are awful. They will be eliminated. The opening Thursday game will still be played, and Thanksgiving day games will be retained. However, Dallas and Detroit will no longer get those games exclusively. There will be two games played on Thanksgiving, and the four teams will rotate every year.
3. Another issue with viewers? Bad matchups on Monday night. Starting now, not every team is deserving of, and won't be receiving, a spot on Monday Night Football. Nobody wants to watch Cleveland vs Miami. The first two Monday Night games will feature playoff teams from the previous season, then they'll be scheduled two weeks out from that point on, based on who would provide an attractive matchup. Fox and CBS will protect one Sunday game, then the next two best matchups will be played on Sunday night and Monday night. If you want to see your favorite team play in primetime, pray they fire their awful personnel people and coaches and figure out how to be good.
4. Roger Goodell, obviously, is fired immediately, and I'll be taking over. Dean Blandino is also fired, to be replaced with a three-person committee who will review the refs' performances each week. Grades will be assigned, and if a referee fails to attain a certain level, they will be suspended for a game. Fall below a grade over a four-game span, and they'll be suspended for the next four games. If they fall below that level for the season, they won't return for the next year. The highest grades will get the playoffs, and the Super Bowl will be refereed by the best of the best. Bad refs will be weeded out.
5. The rules committee, the referee committee, and myself will sit down and re-write the rule book to make it more sensible. Major changes will include:
a) Personal fouls and pass interference calls will be reviewable. They're game-changing calls that deserve to be looked at when necessary.
b) Getting two challenges, then earning a third is silly. Everybody gets three challenges for each game. In the interest in time, however, reviews will be shortened. The referee will go under the hood where he will consult with one of the three members of the review committee to make the call in as short a time as possible. Also, logic will reign. No fan base should be told "It was probably not a fumble, but we stuck with call on the field." Just make the right call.
c) All rules pertaining to personal expression, be it celebration, shoes, or eye black, will be looked at and those pages of the rulebook will be torn out and Roger Goodell will be forced to eat them with mustard (the worst of all condiments). As long as the shoes/eyeblack is a reasonable request, it can, and will, be approved by me. Also, as long as touchdown/big play celebrations aren't excessively long, or excessively vulgar, they're allowed as well.
6. Personal conduct rules will be reviewed and re-worked as well, with emphasis placed on common sense. Marijuana will no longer be a banned substance, but anyone caught driving under the influence of weed, alcohol, or any other drug, will face an immediate suspension. Appeals will be heard immediately, so that I can laugh the player out of my office. Do it again, and it's a season. Don't be stupid. Domestic violence will not be tolerated. If there's reasonable evidence that you did it, regardless of the legal outcome, you'll be sitting for a while.
7. The Pro Bowl will be cancelled and will be replaced with an old-school skills challenge.
8. Its a social media age. Not only is the current media policy outdated, it's dumb. Vines, gifs, stills, we've got them all, and so will fans. Not only will teams be encouraged to distribute vines during the game, but team accounts will be encouraged to follow fans who consistently publish good content and re-post it, with the goal of providing fans with the ultimate experience during games.
9. I reserve the right to make changes based on good suggestions, needs of the league, or because it amuses me.
There you have it. These changes are ones that make the game more fun to watch and likely, more fun to play. Ratings should skyrocket. Trust me. I once fixed college football. Now I'm making the NFL great again.
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