Top Ten...Bottom Five

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Week 2 has come and gone, and helped clarify....nothing. The Patriots, Ravens, Cowboys and Jets all looked like world-beaters in week one, yet lost this week. The biggest story might be the replacement referees, whose constant reviewing and discussing have led to every game lasting slightly longer than a trip to a buffet with JaMarcus Russell. They're also losing complete control of games, and each contest winds up looking like a tour of the Jets locker room. The new hottest stat this season should be the blood pressure of the coaches, and I'lll be shocked if we don't have at least one head coach go on a murderous rampage before the season ends. Anyway, here are the week 2 (and sure to drastically change next week) rankings. [B]TOP TEN[/B] 1. San Francisco 49ers-Come one. Come all. There is plenty of room on the Alex Smith bandwagon. Side note: Aldon Smith needs to find some new friends. 2. Atlanta Falcons-Their defense made Peyton Manning look like, well, Eli Manning. 3. Houston Texans-Their defense made Blaine Gabbert look like, well, Blaine Gabbert. 4. Philadelphia Eagles-If Michael Vick can take just a second away from his pick-fest, this is a scary team. They're 2-0 and have yet to play their best. 5. Green Bay Packers-I don't want to make this too disturbing, but if Clay Matthews and Jay Cutler shared a prison cell, Jay would be washing a lot of underwear. 6. Baltimore Ravens-There's the Joe Flacco I know and love. 7. San Diego Chargers-Norv Turner single-handedly keeps them ranked below two 1-loss teams. 8. Pittsburgh Steelers-This IS a better team with Mike Wallace. Brown might be a "better" WR, but Wallace is more explosive and makes the big play. 9. New England Patriots-Adam Vinatieri would have made that. 10. Arizona Cardinals-No, they're not the 10th best team, but none of the other teams around this spot deserve it. [B]Honorable Mentions[/B] (or as I like to call it, teams that I mention just because I have a joke to use) Chicago Bears-in an effort to upgrade their line, they have announced they have signed: Stephen Hawking, the kid from iCarly, Maggie Simpson, a cinderblock, and a Mike Tice bobblehead. Cincinnati Bengals-Continuing the team mission of making the Browns look good. Dallas Cowboys-Is Tony Romo dating again? [B]Bottom FIVE[/B] 28. Oakland Raiders-Congratulations. You just put the Dolphins into a tie for first place. 29. Cleveland Browns-Has Trent Richardson demanded a trade yet? 30. Tennessee Titans-Did somebody tell them that blowouts were a way to pick up women? 31. Jacksonville Jaguars-Welcome back Blaine Gabbert. Welcome back. 32. Kansas City Chiefs-For all the credit I take for picking Houston and Philly, my pick of KC to win the AFCW cancels out all of it. I'm so ashamed. [B]MVPs of the Week[/B] Clay Matthews-If he could play Chicago every week, he'd break the sack record by week 8. Reggie Bush-I always felt he wasn't used properly in New Orleans. Now he's showing it. Danny Amendola-The Redskins secondary needs a hug. Mike Nolan-The Falcons did something very hard to due Monday Night: confused Peyton Manning. [B]Goats of the Week[/B] Chris Johnson-Another game with less than 20 yards rushing. He's averaging 1.1 ypc for the year. Ryan Williams-If the Pats had won that game, he would have had to go into the witness protection program. But, could have been worse.... Josh Morgan-All he did was turn a very make-able, game-tying 47-yard FG into a nearly impossible 62-yd FG by throwing a football at Cortland Finnigan. D'OH! A dishonorable mention goes to the fans of the Utah Utes football team. Late Saturday night, with a lead over BYU and 8 seconds left, the BYU QB attempted a sideline pass. A hit cause the ball to sail high into the air and time seemed to expire. The fans rushed the field, but on review, 1 second was put back on the clock. After the field was cleared, they attempted a 50+ yard FG to tie the game. It was blocked, but the ball is still live. The fans rushed the field again, but didn't wait for the play to end so they were flagged and a 15-yard penalty gave BYU another chance from 36 yards. Lucky for Utah fans, it hit the upright and missed. Fans were literally a foot away from costing their team the game.

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